


A Face not My Own

by DarkSeraphim



Category: Murder Princess
Genre: Angst, Bonding, Gen, Identity Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-24
Updated: 2012-06-24
Packaged: 2017-11-08 10:07:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/442046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkSeraphim/pseuds/DarkSeraphim
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alita Forland has given up her kingdom, her face, even her name in order to save what she loves.  She succeeded...but has the price been too much to pay?</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Face not My Own

**Author's Note:**

  * For [VampirePaladin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/VampirePaladin/gifts).



> A late birthday gift for my best buddy, VampirePaladin!!

She didn’t know when she started to feel this way.  She couldn’t pin down an exact day or time, but she knew when she started to really think about it.  If memory served her, it was almost a week ago.  There had been a ball celebrating one of the kingdom’s holidays.  Nobles had made their customary visit to the castle, there had been the usual dancing and dining.  She remembered it quite well, mostly because Falis had been complaining nonstop during the days leading up to it.  The bounty hunter-turned-queen had grown quite a bit in the months she ruled, but there was still so much to learn and Alita took it upon herself to teach her.

 

She  had stood at Falis’ side during the ball, proud of the way she had conducted herself with the nobles.  It couldn’t have gone much better.  There was still the bold and blunt attitude of the bounty hunter, but Alita had seen also a poised and dignified manner worthy of any queen.  She held her own and showed that she too could fit in with the nobility.

 

It wasn’t until in the evening that the seeds had been planted in her mind.  One of the nobles that Alita had been very well acquainted with had called her by name.  Despite living for months as Milano, Alita had instinctively turned in response to the name…only to be overshadowed by Falis.

 

 

“Alita!”  Davido, the son of a prominent Marquis, and someone Alita had known from nearly childhood.  A good friend and she turned to greet him, a reply on her lips.

 

Then Falis-Queen Alita Forland-stepped in front of her, smiling.  “Davido, so good to see you again.”  She knew so many of the nobles by now, thanks to her lessons.  She walked forward to greet the young man, her manner friendly and familiar.

 

Alita, no-Milano, faltered, watching the two of them interact as though they had indeed known each other for years.  They didn’t even look in her direction.

 

 

Alita sighed.  Yes…that was when it started.  That was what had started the wildfire in her mind.  That incident at the ball, and so many other events, played nonstop through her mind.  In every memory, she witnessed Falis ruling her kingdom, mingling with nobles, fighting alongside soldiers, all with the visage and the identity of Alita Forland.  She wore the role as though she was born to it.  However sloppily she had begun, she now carried herself with a sense of confidence and surety. 

 

Alita stared at her image in the mirror.  Short, purple hair neatly held back; brown eyes and a youthful face stared back at her.  It was a face that had belonged to a bounty hunter named Falis, and was now being worn by a girl calling herself Milano.

 

Milano…that was her name now.  She was a maid in the service to the queen, had given herself to the queen mind, body and soul as incentive to protect the kingdom.  She was no longer a princess, no longer the girl she had been born as.  She told herself she could accept that.  And she did.  She had done it without hesitation in order to save her kingdom and not once did she regret it.  She did what she had to do, even though her sacrifice would probably never be truly comprehended.

 

So why did she feel this way?  
  


Alita reached out to touch the glass, unable to truly believe she had a reflection.  Lately she had been feeling as though she were fading away.  Day after day, it was rare that she even thought of herself as “Alita.”  Even in her own mind she called herself “Milano.”  Day after day, she watched as Falis became more and more the princess she herself could probably never be.  Soon the need for lessons wouldn’t even be necessary, at least not ones that she could contribute to.  Jodo was more than competent at his station.  As the days went on, Milano became more and more unnecessary baggage. 

 

 _This was necessary._ She tried to tell herself.  _You are no longer a princess.  You gave that up that night at the cliff._   But she had still been useful, giving herself as the servant of the new queen.  But now…

 

She gazed again at the face that wasn’t her own, shaking and unable to stand that crushing reality.  She tried to assure herself.  After all, Falis would want her body back one day.  It was pitiful…but it was the only thing she had keeping her going.  It was the only thing she had left.

 

 

“Milano, there you are.  Jodo’s been screaming for you for a while now.”

 

Falis never would have dreamed that her life would have taken this path.  Three years ago she was nothing more than a bounty hunter, hunting down dangerous beasts for fun and profit.  Now…she was a Queen.  She was the savior of a nation, hell the entire world! 

 

It wasn’t without consequence.  The face she now wore wasn’t even hers, and her two closest friends were…she sighed.  She missed them a great deal.  They had been her partners and friends, had saved her life numerous times as she had theirs.  Now they were gone, along with anything resembling the old technology that had once made their world prosperous thousands of years ago. 

 

But it wasn’t an empty sacrifice.  Though her two friends were now gone, the world was safe from a dangerous technology that nearly ended it.  It was what they had wanted.  The world had a fresh start at last, a chance to prosper without the demons of the past haunting it. 

 

Her only problems now rested in the face she saw in the mirror every morning.  Queen Alita Forland was a name that truly belonged to the girl she was now seeking out.  The former princess Alita.  After a near death experience, the two girls had somehow traded bodies with one another.  Falis had been ready to dismiss the girl out of hand, maybe knock her out and drag her around while she sought out a way to return herself to her own body.  But instead the princess had begged her to save her kingdom from a resistance that had apparently slaughtered half of her family and half of the castle servants.

 

She didn’t really know why she had accepted.  Saving a kingdom?  Falis despised politics with a passion and it certainly hadn’t changed in these past years.  She demanded heavy collateral…and Alita had delivered.  The girl devoted herself to the bounty hunter, mind, body and soul.  The determination had surprised Falis enough to accept the proposal…although if she had known what would entail, she would have probably run in the other direction.

 

It had been incredibly awkward at first, but now Falis found herself just as attached to the kingdom as its true princess.  She defended Forland with pride and unrelenting passion.  She never really had a home, not since the witch had destroyed the one she was born in.  But for the first time, she really felt as though she belonged, even if she didn’t quite belong in the throne.  She had improved as a Queen thanks to the help of her friends, but there was still so much that eluded her, so much she just could not grasp.  That was why she needed Milano, the real Alita, at her side.  She prized the other girl’s friendship, perhaps more than anything else.

 

“Milano!”  She smiled as she approached the purple haired girl.  It had taken her some time to realize how much that name meant to the other girl, the memorial to a dead friend and companion. 

 

Alita turned, plastering on a polite smile and curtsied before Falis.  “You called, your majesty?”

 

Falis stopped.  Her instincts served her well on many occasions and right now they were telling her that something was very, very wrong here.  She looked carefully at her handmaiden and friend.  Tense body posture…forced smile…lines of tension around the eyes and brow…worst of all brown eyes that no longer held the spark of happiness and devotion they once did. 

 

“Y-Yeah…the old man is yammering something about needing your input on how to handle that treaty from the southern kingdoms.  I keep saying we should tell them to take a hike, but I think if I say it again the old man will start going into seizures.  You know more about all of this than I do.  Do you think you can take a look at it?”

 

Alita smiled again, and the fakeness of it sent a chill down Falis’ spine.  “Of course, your majesty.  I am ever at your disposal.  I shall meet Jodo immediately.”  She curtsied again and walked off quickly, before Falis could ask what was wrong with her.  The bounty hunter turned queen watched her leave, her expression troubled and worried.  What was going on here?

 

 

“It’s the same as the last one, just worded differently.  We merely have to stay firm and not give way.  We cannot afford to give them so much territory.”

 

Jodo nodded.  He had known Alita for all of her life, and she was one of the smartest princesses he had ever had the fortune of knowing.  It had pleased him that his granddaughter had been her handmaiden and friend.  Of course her death had hit him hard, though he had grieved in private, but she had died in the service of their country and nothing less would have been worthy of her.  This entire situation had thrown him for a loop, but it was certainly interesting.  Falis made a rather remarkable queen, and Alita had made an astounding sacrifice for the sake of the kingdom.

 

He looked up at Alita.  Though she was now a servant and called herself Milano, he could still see the bearing of a princess in her.  She served the new queen with a passion that he envied. 

 

But now he felt something was off.  He couldn’t place it, but something in her eyes just didn’t seem right.  He loved her like his own granddaughter, like he had loved the real Milano.  If something was wrong he wanted to know.

 

“Milano, is something troubling you?  This whole issue with the southern kingdoms will not last you know.  They hardly pose a threat to us, no more so than usual.”

 

The smile that answered him felt…fake.  “Of course, Jodo.  I am fully confident in the queen and the soldiers to protect us.  I do not believe we have anything to fear from them.” 

 

“Yes, yes of course.  Then…is it something else?”  He placed a hand on hers.  “You know you can tell me, my dear.  I am your grandfather after all.”  Even if they were not connected by blood, he still felt a sense of truth in the statement.

 

“There is nothing amiss, Jodo.  But I thank you for the concern.”  She patted his hand and drew away.  “I have duties to see to.  If you will excuse me.”  With that she curtsied and left, leaving a shocked Jodo behind.  Her reply had been so…empty.  And when he looked into her eyes…he gave a few orders to the royal scribe and left to find the queen.  Something was wrong here and had to be seen to.

 

 

Startled, Alita looked up at the cold, imposing gates of the dungeons.  She hadn’t even realized where she had wandered to until she stood before the gates.  They were hardly used.  Forland soldiers were not really used to holding prisoners in the castle.  They had been in few wars and traitors were usually killed in battle.  The only prisoner now was Kaito.

 

Kaito…Alita had been beyond words when she saw her brother emerge from the ruins, back from the front after so long gone.  The will it took to resist embracing him had nearly broken her.  His betrayal had hurt beyond anything she had ever experienced.  Her brother had wanted to end the world…to kill them all, for a cause she couldn’t even comprehend.  After Te Oria had been dismantled, he had been taken in chains to the dungeon, on the request of Alita.  She could not stand the idea of losing her only brother, no matter how mad he had become. 

 

She hadn’t seen him since the day he had been tried for treason, when Falis had pronounced him a traitor and imprisoned him in the dungeon.  She couldn’t bear the thought of seeing her brother like that.  At least that was what she told herself.

 

The gates creaked as she pushed them open, slipping through the crack and into the cold, dark rooms beyond.  Her footsteps echoed off of the stone walls as she made her way to the only occupied cell. 

 

‘Well well…a visitor?  After so long?  How thoughtful.” 

 

Prince Kaito.  Son of Forland.  Once a great general and swordsman.  Now a traitor, dressed in rags and dirty, chained to a wall in a cold cell.  He was so pale now from so long in the dark.  There was some torchlight, but it was hardly enough to give him color.  He smirked up at Alita.

 

“Ahh…so it is you, _Milano_.  That IS what they are calling you now, isn’t it Alita?”

 

Though they were alone, Alita tensed at the blatant outing.  “My name is Milano, Kaito.  That name isn’t mine.”

 

Kaito laughed, the sound echoing throughout the dungeons and sending a chill down her spine.  “How cute.  So tell me, _Milano_ , why have you decided to visit a traitor?”  
  
”…I…I wanted to see you…brother.  I wanted-“  
  
”Ha.  Don’t make me laugh.  You haven’t been to see me since I was thrown in this place.  Why don’t you tell me the real reason, my dear sister?  Oh wait, that’s right, you aren’t my sister.  My sister is ruling Forland with a blade in her hand.  I really should have known it wasn’t really you.  My sister’s swordsmanship was really quite pitiful.”

 

Alita winced.  “At least the queen is doing her best to ensure peace.  You tried to destroy everything.  Why Kaito…even after all this time, I still can’t understand why you did all of this.”  She walked over to the bars, grasping them.  “Please Kaito…”

 

Kaito smirked, leaning back against the wall.  “That’s not the reason why you came here…but I’ll oblige.  This world is full of nothing but pain and suffering.  Humans tried to destroy each other for thousands of years and nearly destroyed themselves.  We haven’t outgrown that urge.  It leads to nothing but pain.  Our family was slaughtered for foolish reasons.  So, why not end it all?”  He laughed, an insane sounding laugh that chilled Alita. 

 

Alita felt her heart surge with pity.  What had Kaito seen to make him feel this way?  As much as she had wanted to blame the witch that had caused so much trouble…deep down she knew something in Kaito had a great part in it.  She couldn’t even recognize her brother anymore.  That caused a deep pain within her, and she felt something slipping through her fingers…  
  
“Now, tell me why you’re REALLY here.”  Kaito said, snapping Alita out of her thoughts.

 

“I told you-“  
  
He cut her off with another laugh.  “We both know that is a lie.”  He gazed at her, scrutinizing.  Then his smirk widened.  “Ahh…I think I see now.” 

 

Alita felt her blood freeze.  “I-I think I shall go now.”  She turned to leave, but Kaito’s voice stopped her.

 

“You wanted something to hold on to.”

 

Alita froze in her tracks, her eyes wide.  She spun around, her mouth open to deny it…but could she?  Kaito had been her hero as a child, her protector.  He…he was her last real link to who she once was.  And he knew it, and was gladly shattering that last thing she needed.

 

“You’re not even the real Milano.  If I recall correctly, Milano died that night if the coup, the night you gave away your identity to a common bounty hunter.  She’s not the real Alita, but neither are you.  You’re not anything.  Just someone who doesn’t belong anywhere.  A bounty hunter makes a better queen than you.” 

 

The words cut like swords, piercing Alita’s heart directly.  Hot tears poured from her face as she ran from the dungeons, the cold laughter of her brother following her. 

 

Once the dungeon doors closed once more, Kaito slumped in his chains, the laughter dying and replaced by tears.  He had insured she would never come here again.  Good…she needed to move on from him, to find her way again.  He looked up at the ceiling and prayed to gods he didn’t even believe existed.  He had hurt his beloved sister beyond words…he hoped that bounty hunter could heal those wounds.  He, in the meantime, would die here, alone.  That was what he wanted.

 

 

Falis paced in her bedroom.  “I know!  It’s like, I don’t know!”  She shouted in frustration.  She had nearly collapsed with relief when Jodo had come to her with his concerns about Alita.  Someone had seen it too!  The distance, the fake smiles, everything was off with her and Falis wanted to know why! 

 

“Perhaps she is merely stressed.  She too, has gone through some great trauma those years ago, and perhaps now it is just sinking in.”  Jodo was certain that it had something to do with Alita’s state. 

 

Falis sighed.  “Something’s wrong and it is not just stress.  I can’t explain it…I know my own body, Jodo.  I can see it.  Something is wrong with Alita, something big.”

 

“Well if we talk to her I’m sure-“

 

Both froze as the door to the bedroom creaked open and the object of their conversation walked through the door.  Though she had taken pains to clean herself up after her crying, Falis easily saw the signs.

 

“What happened?”  She asked, walking toward the other girl, stopping as the other tensed.

 

“N-Nothing your majesty.”  Falis saw through the lie.  “I-I merely-“  
  
”Cut the crap.  Something’s been off with you for ages now and I want to know what it is.  If something is wrong I expect you to tell me!”  
  
Jodo winced.  Despite having cultivated a more sophisticated persona, Falis was still every bit the bounty hunter she had been.

 

Alita drew herself up, frowning.  “Nothing is wrong.  I am just fine, you majesty.”  The words had a certain bite to them, something neither had ever heard from the soft spoken girl.

 

“Alita-“  
  
” _Milano_ , your majesty.  My name is _Milano_.  After everything I have done I would have hoped you would have recalled that.”

 

The sheer venom of her words caused Falis to take a step back as if she had been struck.  “What-“  
  
”Of course that isn’t my name either, but it’s hardly of consequence now is it?”  Alita regretted every word she was saying, but something had broken within her and now everything was pouring out of her.  She had to get out of here and fast.  “If your majesty will excu-“  
  
Falis reached out, fast as lightning and grabbed Alita by the arm.  “You’re not going anywhere until you tell me what’s going on!”  She fumed.  “If you’re suddenly so upset over losing your throne, you should have thought of that before handing over your name!”  
  
”Alita!  Falis!”  Jodo exclaimed in shock.  The sheer anger from both girls was astonishing. 

 

Alita glared at Falis, trying to pull her arm away.  “I’m not upset over anything!  You’re doing just fine in the throne!”  
  


Falis’ eyes narrowed.  “Is that it!?  You’re jealous!?”  She shook with anger.  “It’s not my fault I’m wearing your ugly mug!  You don’t get to be tired of being a fucking martyr just because YOUR idea is actually panning out!”  Falis was an okay queen.  She lead troops, fought for peace and defended her new home with every ounce of her strength.  But it was Alita that was the power behind the throne.  Without her, the kingdom would have crumbled.  But right now her anger was clouding all of that.

 

Alita finally yanked her arm away.  “Then why even keep me around!?  It’s not like you need me!  We all know you’re the better queen!”  She felt tears come to her eyes.  “Forland’s doing just FINE in your care!  I suppose you find it so funny, the bounty hunter’s a better queen than a princess!  She’s just a useless handmaiden who took a dead girl’s name!”

 

“And that’s my fault!?  I only ran with this stupid idea because you were so gungho about saving your stupid kingdom!”

 

“And you fit right into everything didn’t you!  It’s not like you need me anymore!  The only reason you even keep me around is so that you can have your old body back!  Not like you even want it anymore!  You-“  
  
The sharp crack and sound of skin making contact with skin echoed throughout the room.  Jodo stared with wide eyes.  Alita’s head was turned sharply to the side, a red hand print on her cheek.  Falis stood there, heaving with anger.  Slowly Alita turned her head back to face Falis, her eyes wide and strangely devoid of the previous anger.  Falis’ own eyes widened with shock at her own actions, the anger fading.   
  
”Alita-“

 

Silently, Alita turned and walked calmly out of the room.  Jodo and Falis stood there, helpless.

 

 

She missed Pete.  Out of the two, she had probably been closest to the towering cyborg.  He didn’t talk much, but he listened.  It was that trait perhaps that Alita valued so much.  She felt as though she could talk about anything and he would listen, not judging her.  A few times she had spoken about how difficult this felt sometimes, giving up her throne to a stranger.  He simply smiled at herm gave her a hug, and assured her that she was one of the strongest people he had known.

 

His loss hurt.  Dominikov’s too.  She remembered Falis crying about it for a week straight before she simply came out of her room and declared that she was done crying.  Alita had questioned her about it.  Falis’ answer had given her a measure of comfort.

 

“They wouldn’t want me to wallow about it.  I grieved.  I’ll miss them, but they would want me to move on.”  She smiled at Alita.  “That goes for you too.  Remember them.  But don’t lose your head.”

 

Falis was strong.  She didn’t let anything keep her down, not even the deaths of her closest friends.  She kept on pushing, kept on going. 

 

Alita leaned on the balcony rail and gazed out into the night.  The cool air soothed her cheek.  She had been so shocked when Falis slapped her…but it put some things in perspective.  She was jealous.  Falis was ruling better than Alita ever could have.  She was unnecessary…useless.  She had nothing…she just never wanted to truly admit it.

 

She should leave the palace…but where would she go?  She had no skills except perhaps cleaning.  What could she do if she left?  She had nothing…not even a name that was hers.  Falis had that now…and was doing more with it than she ever could.

 

She needed to leave, that much she did know.  Maybe the answer would come to her once she was gone.  Maybe…  
  
”Te Oria.”  
  
The sudden voice caused Alita to jump and turn.  Her eyes widened as she saw Falis there, standing only a few feet away.  She hadn’t even heard the girl coming.  Before she could ask what on earth Falis was talking about, she continued.

 

“The coronation.  Both of them.  Every holiday Forland has.  Every ball, every party.  Each and every damn treaty that is written in so much flowery bull shit that no sane person can understand it.”  Her eyes pierced Alita with a cold intensity.  “Do you know what all those things have in common?”

 

Alita shook her head, confused.  What was she talking about?  
  
”…I still can’t remember what every holiday is, you know.  All those damn nobles look the same to me even after all this time.  Do you know how I look like I know them all personally?  How I can remember the holidays?”  She stepped closer to Alita, making sure the other girl couldn’t run this time.

 

Alita stepped back until she hit the railing, feeling very cornered.  Where was she going with this?  She wanted to just leave, to put all of this behind her, but she couldn’t tear her eyes away from the other girl’s.

 

“…You.  It’s all been you.”

 

Alita stared.  She felt herself start to shake and she stepped forward, trying to move around Falis.  She didn’t want to hear this.  She didn’t want pity.  But Falis grabbed her about the arms and forced her to make eye contact again.  Speechless with shock, she couldn’t help but obey the silent commands.

 

“YOU help me remember all those things.  It’s because of you this kingdom hasn’t fallen apart!  You think I know how to read those treaties, or even what half of that crap means!?  I don’t!  I suck at politics!  I can lead an army, no problem.  But I NEED you, Alita!”

 

No!  She didn’t want to hear this!  Alita struggled.  “Stop it!  I know yo-“  She was cut off when Falis shook her.

 

“No!  You listen to me!  You can’t go!  I need you, idiot!  You keep this place running!  I’ll never be as good as you are at this!  That’s why I need you!”

 

Alita continued to struggle, shaking her head in denial.  No, she didn’t need her.  She could be replaced.  Jodo could do all of those things!  She-

 

Suddenly Falis pulled her into a hug, silencing her struggles.  Alita stared at the opposite wall in shock as she felt warm arms wrap around her…felt tears drop onto her shoulder.  She felt her own arms wrap around the other girl, drawing her close.

 

“…you’re my friend.  I need you…you know the real me…You can see…I need you, princess.”  Falis’ words stumbled, unaccustomed to flowery words.  She preferred to let her actions do the talking.  So she hugged Alita tightly, hoping the words she couldn’t say were still being heard loud and clear.

 

Alita started to shake as tears poured from her eyes.  The dark, empty place in her heart and mind that had been festering within her started to recede.  Suddenly…nothing seemed so hopeless and empty anymore…it was far from completely healed, but this was an excellent start.

 

The two girls stood on the balcony, wrapped in each others arms.  Each were content in the knowledge that they were needed by the other, wanted.  Things weren’t perfect but none of that mattered anymore.  They had each other, and that was enough.


End file.
